Day 1 of 366 in 2016 – To Not Being Selfish

Happy New Year! šŸ™‚

Spent almost the entire day hanging out with Arihant (best friend) and that was bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss. We watched Notting Hill, a favourite movie of ours. We gobbled down, hungrily if I may add, a quick rustic lunch of cheese chilly toast with some spicy wafers. I dozed off in the middle of the movie. Woke up and saw the end of the movie – my favourite scene Ā – watch here.

We then spoke about what we want to see happen for us (career, love) and our family (financial security) in the New Year. Which when I look back at now, we might hastily come across as entitled fucks, people who want good things to happen to them.

We aren’t alone in that. We have a billion people in our company who want good things to happen to them. They all make a list. I don’t like making lists, except when I am at work. When you are living your life and you start making a lists of things you want to do, it sort of robs the spontaneity and excitement from the moment.Too much planning is not my forte, though according to many descriptions of my zodiac sign, nothing gets me more turned on then a well organised to-do list. A row of neat and perfect kisses on my neck will get me more turned on than a to-do list.Unless, the to-do list is hanging on my work softboard.

Coming back to the expectations we have of ourselves in this year, I am keeping a realistic view of things. A perspective needed when you want to achieve certain goals in life. There is the usual, eating healthy, staying away from intoxicants, staying in shape, reading more books, writing more often and not just for work, spending time with friends, etc.

But the one thing that I really want to achieve is not being selfish. I steered our conversation towards this, ‘selfish’ during the later part of the day. We discussed this intermittently whilst watching the movieĀ Invictus. For me, selfish, can be categorised in both good and bad. It is good when the decision you take does not in anyway have an unforeseen and unwarranted bad consequence on someone else. Your need for fulfilment should not harm anyone else. If it does, then you are being selfish in the wrong way. Maybe my firm belief was strengthened because the previous night I had watched the movieĀ Bajirao MastaniĀ and the lead character of Mastani, well she was a massive disappointment. She fell in love with Bajirao (I am a bit hazy on whether she knew he was married or not). According to her, they were in love and Bajirao cemented her belief in the same, when he presented her his dagger as a present rewarding her bravery in the field. Unbeknownst to him, in her city, offering of a dagger by a man to a woman signifies marriage. Hurray for traditional customs!

He leaves, she pines. Her ‘determination’ and ‘stubbornness’ to be with the man who has long left her city, frustrates and agonises her parents.

She leaves, ready to join him, full of hope and longing. She reaches his palace and discovers that he already has a wife, a kid and another one on the way. Does she waver in her love for him? Nope. He warns her that she will not be accepted by his family and subjects. She will never be treated and respected as his wife. She agrees wholeheartedly because she wants nothing more than to be with him.

And here is when the shit hits the fan. Her selfish desire to be with him irrespective of the chaos and havoc that it causes in Bajirao’s life thereby entering the lives of his immediate family members and comrades, makes that being selfish in the wrong way. Familial ties are broken, there is chaos in the kingdom, his rule is threatened, and political turns and twists occur that would make Machiavelli proud.

You can’t conceal this decision in the blanket of love, the destruction it causes is too widespread and love nurtures, it doesn’t destroy. I don’t accept love like that. I don’t accept decisions like that. And I try to keep away from people like that. And I know people like that. And I want to consciously not turn into a person who thinks and acts like that. No sir ree.

There will no bucket list this year. No ‘Things I Must Achieve In 2016’.Ā There will be only be a conscious effort, acceptance, and celebration to not being selfish in the wrong way.

 

 

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