Finding something I lost… perspective

So. I lost my iPhone a few days ago. It was flicked from my office desk. I went through all the stages that everyone who has ever lost or had their phone stolen.

I didn’t believe it at first that it was actually stolen (How could it happen to me??!!!)
Immediately called on my phone to the robotic voice tell me on the other side in a happy tone that my number is switched off! (I can’t blame her. How would she be able to sense the situation. Honestly, this is why sentients beings will never get along with us humans; half the fight that happens between humans is because of misunderstanding the tone and robots and sentient beings will never be able to master that). Anyway, I digress.

I then made a complaint with the office security to let them know that my iPhone is missing, supposedly (I am 100% sure it is stolen, but one must use these terms).
And then, came the technology part, tracking your phone on the Find my iPhone app, blocking your SIM, then tracing your sim, your phone (its so exhausting)

And then comes the perspective.
Sitting with my mother at the police station; I may be a fully functional adult, but I need my mummy!, tears still dropping in fat huge blobs from my now sore eyes. We filed a complaint for my stolen/missing phone. I must add here that the police were extremely co-operative and very polite.

Anyway, while I was waiting for the police to finish up writing their report in walked three people; two grown men and a small kid. Turns out, the kid was lost, couldn’t speak the local language, didn’t have a complete grasp of English or Hindi.

Someone was lost. Lost.

An actual human being, someone’s kid, or brother, was lost.

And here I was bawling my eyes out in the police station because my phone was missing.

Yes, I was upset, and I am allowed to be. Hell, it was a real expensive phone. A month’s salary.

But I shouldn’t dwell on its loss more than necessary. One guy at work confessed to me on hearing that my phone was stolen that he was so upset that he couldn’t eat food for a week.

Let’s not get into that.

I am just saying, it gave me the desired push to get out of the misery induced haze, the victim party, where I was the host, the guest and the audience.

I just lost my iPhone, in the safest way for me. I was mugged, or held against a wall or pushed  out of the way while someone lugged for my bag instead of rushing to my aid. It was just flicked from my desk.

Perspective.

I think lost that, and I think I found it. Even if it was just for that particular moment.

I am an adult.

How did I come to this realisation? Well… I happened to watch the third (and hopefully last) of the Bridget Jone’s trilogy. In this, Bridget is now 43, single, and still bumbling her way through life. She is, as per her own trope, caught between two men; the third happens to be dead.
There is her old love, the love of her life as she quotes in one of her numerous inner monologue, Mr Darcy and then there is the new love – Jack Qwant.
Polar opposites of each other. The former is controlled in his emotions, thoughts and actions, focused on his work (international human rights lawyer), sardonic, a man of few words and even fewer actions. The latter, is the new age American who believes in vibes and auras, yoga and positive thoughts, and charm that is contagious as it is pleasing. And did i mention that he rides a motorcycle!
So, as you would expect, Bridget has ‘relations’ with both the men in a span of 10 days, and she is pregnant (she blames the vegan eco-friendly condoms that dissolve and save the dolphins from choking on them).
And thus begins the period where two men, fight to convince Bridget of their love and affection and possibility of a happy ever after with them.

She is swayed by the Patrick, and i must confess, so was i. He is jovial, funny, charming, adventurous and EXCITING! Darcy, on the other hand, can be described as somewhat solid.
But solid is what gives you comfort, feels like home, protects you. More importantly it lets you be you. And when you are you, everything is exciting!
And when Bridget grew up and realised that even though she isn’t sure whose baby she is carrying, she did want Darcy. Because he is solid. And the reason why you love someone and want them in your life is because they are the opposite of you, and because they feel like home.
And when you start agreeing with movie characters that’s when you know you have grown up – because it gets you right in the feels.
I am an adult now.

The Wedding Line

Have you heard of the wedding line?

No. It is not the line you have to queue in to reach the stage and congratulate the lovely couple on their holy union.

This Wedding Line is literally the line that tells you, ‘woah, this is certainly an eye opener.’

It is the length of the mehendi that will be applied on your hand by the mehendi wali as directed by the bride. The bride who happens to be your friend.

Just covering your entire palm, with a diagonal design – hello stranger.

Intricate design on your entire palm and reverse – hello friend.

Intricate design covering the entire length of your arm (reaching right up till your elbow) – hello soulmate

Actions do speak louder than words.

But I am not sad, it is the nature of life and its way. relationships are often outgrown, their purpose served (not in a cynical or clinical way) and they are packed off, sometimes like a smooth exit interview or sometimes like two lovers fighting to get the last word in.

It has to be perfect!

It has to be perfect, otherwise I am not a 100% happy.

I will not let my happiness depend on another person.

I will not react to things in a haste. Especially conversations.

I will not be annoyed that when I get something that I wanted, but not in the manner that I had in mind. I will infact be happy and grateful.

I will accept compliments with grace and a smile and a word of thanks!

I will not pigeonhole people and problems.

I will be  judgement free when it comes to dating boys. *pinkie swear*

I will be open to life and the universe and accept all the love, positive vibes and smiles they send with gratitude and blessings.

And most importantly, I will embrace that sometimes things are not perfect, and they are still okay 🙂 and I can be happy.

Day 6 of 366 – Let’s not talk about it

So what do we not talk about it?

  1. Money
  2. Silly arguments
  3. Feelings
  4. Embarrassing moments
  5. How you couldn’t fit into any of clothes
  6. Diets not kept
  7. Silent farts
  8. How you dig your nose when you think no one is looking
  9. Feeling lonely
  10. When you are scared
  11. When you are not sure if your crush is hella cute
  12. How during camping you didn’t take bath
  13. How you cried during a movie, but stubbornly refuse to admit in front of friends
  14. regret confessing in someone
  15. being stingy
  16. being hopeful
  17. blame your sibling for the mess the bathroom/living room/house everything in general

Day 2 of 366 – To Realising

The day after the New Year is usually that of excitement, unbridled energy if you will, where hope and enthusiasm are still untouched by cynicism.

You want to jump into activities, make plans that seem impossible, but to your exhilarated mind ‘nothing is impossible – the words impossible itself say I M possible’ – i have always disliked this phrase or motivation quote.

Day two in my opinion is all about realising. You probably have fragments of your yearly horoscope running in your mind while you go about mkaing ‘real plans’. By horoscope did say that if I wanted to meet the man of my dreams I should look out to more social life to meet him. I don’t think I would need a horoscope to point that out to me. I mean that is something you realise yourself. If you want to meet someone new, you have to go out. Not to a bar necessarily, it could even mean a bookstore, your local library, hell even your local grocer will do. You can only meet new people (platonic or romantic interest notwithstanding) if you step out of the house.

Counter argument from others – Rapunzel didn’t leave her tower ever and her prince came to meet her. Well, bollocks. It sounds natch because it is fictional and we all love romantic fictional stories. Realise that you will have to go out to meet and make new friends. Go beyond your social boundaries. Hell sign up for a painting event like I did last year. I was eager to meet new people, interact with them over a common theme or purpose. I didn’t want to sign up for a history walk around my city or volunteer for some charitable event. I signed up for Paintstorm. Drink, socialise, while you paint with others. The first event I signed up, I made a friend, who then advised me on my stay and solo trip to Rishikesh. Best trip ever of 2015!

Be smart. Realise that sometimes you have to be logical. Because being logical sometimes makes it very easy to believe and have faith in fate that you are going to have fun 🙂

Day 1 of 366 in 2016 – To Not Being Selfish

Happy New Year! 🙂

Spent almost the entire day hanging out with Arihant (best friend) and that was bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss. We watched Notting Hill, a favourite movie of ours. We gobbled down, hungrily if I may add, a quick rustic lunch of cheese chilly toast with some spicy wafers. I dozed off in the middle of the movie. Woke up and saw the end of the movie – my favourite scene  – watch here.

We then spoke about what we want to see happen for us (career, love) and our family (financial security) in the New Year. Which when I look back at now, we might hastily come across as entitled fucks, people who want good things to happen to them.

We aren’t alone in that. We have a billion people in our company who want good things to happen to them. They all make a list. I don’t like making lists, except when I am at work. When you are living your life and you start making a lists of things you want to do, it sort of robs the spontaneity and excitement from the moment.Too much planning is not my forte, though according to many descriptions of my zodiac sign, nothing gets me more turned on then a well organised to-do list. A row of neat and perfect kisses on my neck will get me more turned on than a to-do list.Unless, the to-do list is hanging on my work softboard.

Coming back to the expectations we have of ourselves in this year, I am keeping a realistic view of things. A perspective needed when you want to achieve certain goals in life. There is the usual, eating healthy, staying away from intoxicants, staying in shape, reading more books, writing more often and not just for work, spending time with friends, etc.

But the one thing that I really want to achieve is not being selfish. I steered our conversation towards this, ‘selfish’ during the later part of the day. We discussed this intermittently whilst watching the movie Invictus. For me, selfish, can be categorised in both good and bad. It is good when the decision you take does not in anyway have an unforeseen and unwarranted bad consequence on someone else. Your need for fulfilment should not harm anyone else. If it does, then you are being selfish in the wrong way. Maybe my firm belief was strengthened because the previous night I had watched the movie Bajirao Mastani and the lead character of Mastani, well she was a massive disappointment. She fell in love with Bajirao (I am a bit hazy on whether she knew he was married or not). According to her, they were in love and Bajirao cemented her belief in the same, when he presented her his dagger as a present rewarding her bravery in the field. Unbeknownst to him, in her city, offering of a dagger by a man to a woman signifies marriage. Hurray for traditional customs!

He leaves, she pines. Her ‘determination’ and ‘stubbornness’ to be with the man who has long left her city, frustrates and agonises her parents.

She leaves, ready to join him, full of hope and longing. She reaches his palace and discovers that he already has a wife, a kid and another one on the way. Does she waver in her love for him? Nope. He warns her that she will not be accepted by his family and subjects. She will never be treated and respected as his wife. She agrees wholeheartedly because she wants nothing more than to be with him.

And here is when the shit hits the fan. Her selfish desire to be with him irrespective of the chaos and havoc that it causes in Bajirao’s life thereby entering the lives of his immediate family members and comrades, makes that being selfish in the wrong way. Familial ties are broken, there is chaos in the kingdom, his rule is threatened, and political turns and twists occur that would make Machiavelli proud.

You can’t conceal this decision in the blanket of love, the destruction it causes is too widespread and love nurtures, it doesn’t destroy. I don’t accept love like that. I don’t accept decisions like that. And I try to keep away from people like that. And I know people like that. And I want to consciously not turn into a person who thinks and acts like that. No sir ree.

There will no bucket list this year. No ‘Things I Must Achieve In 2016’. There will be only be a conscious effort, acceptance, and celebration to not being selfish in the wrong way.